Once they were just boys

Shaun was a captivating little boy with an open smile, bags of personality and so much self confidence. My first meeting with Shaun was when I was on playground duty on a sunny afternoon and I spotted a tiny boy wearing nothing but bright red shorts and a pair of red wellies cycle a tiny bike up the path to the school nursery. This was the middle of the afternoon and there were no parents in sight. Some of the older children ran to the fence to greet ‘Baby Shaun’ as they referred to him. I called for help and we went out to speak to him and prevent him from leaving. He told me that his name was Baby Shaun and he wanted to go to nursery. He was 3 years old

On further investigation I found out that Shaun was indeed a pupil in our nursery, but he was a virtual non-attender. In fact he was from a family of poor and non-attenders who were very well known to the Local Authority attendance team. A phonecall to Shaun’s parents wasn’t answered so we walked to the house with Shaun as it was only round the corner. We woke his mum up by banging on the front door – she hadn’t even realized that he’d left the house. She invited us into the house and we were able to convince her that bringing Shaun to nursery more often would give her time to herself as well as helping him to burn off energy (an early lesson I learnt was always to accept invitations to go into the homes of our pupils and accept any hospitality on offer – this helped to build relationships and also helped me to build a picture of the home experiences of every child). At a home visit a few years later we were invited to climb in through the window as the family had lost all the door keys – I declined as it would have been tricky in a skirt and instead chatted from the front garden.

Shaun was the youngest of three siblings in a close-knit family. His mum tried her best and the house was always neat and tidy with the children always being well dressed. Shaun’s dad had suffered with alcoholism for many years and spent period’s of time living in a caravan on the driveway when his behaviour became too much for his wife and children to manage. Neither parent had worked for many years and they were content to claim benefits. As already mentioned, school and education were not a priority for the family and they knew the attendance officers well!

Shaun’s older siblings continued to be close to both Shaun and their parents as adults. They lived nearby with their partners and children, but she still visited their parents daily. Their children all attended the same school as Shaun and thankfully they seemed to break the cycle of poor attendance. They worked hard and fully supported education even though they hadn’t finished school themselves.

At school Shaun always had a lot of energy and struggled to sit still. He was described as always on the go and could be challenging in the classroom. Despite this he performed well academically. Reading and writing came fairly  easily to him and he enjoyed learning. It helped that Shaun had an angelic face and big smile, and that he was very caring towards everyone he met – it was difficult to remain cross with him, even if he had just run round the classroom or accidentally up-ended the pencil pots. Shaun’s parents, understandably, thought he was a genius – lack of a consistent education meant both they and his siblings found reading very difficult so to have this lively little boy who could read was a sense of huge pride for them.

Shaun was very popular and always surrounded by lots of friends. He got into the usual scrapes. The most memorable was when, as an 11 year old, he had a fight with a much larger boy and sustained an injury. His parents arrived at school to check on him and when they asked why he was fighting he replied ‘I’m a lover not a fighter – he just attacked me’. And with that statement they instantly believed what he said. He finished primary school without major incident though became increasingly challenging as he got older.

Secondary school didn’t work as well for Shaun – his smile and charm failed to get him out of trouble and he ended up being permanently excluded by the age of 14. Being taught at the local PRU, surrounded by other young men from similar backgrounds, meant that Shaun slipped into a world of drug abuse and dealing. His family knew what he was doing and accepted this. It was, after all, part of the community they lived in and most of the other young men involved had grown up in the area. It was inevitable.

By the age of 17 Shaun was working hard to leave the drug world behind. He had a girlfriend and was at college. He was trying to move to a different town to escape his past. His parents and siblings were hopeful that their son was finally on the right path. One night he went out late and told his mum he was ‘going grafting’. This word describes criminal activity that could mean burglary or theft – they weren’t sure.

Unfortunately Shaun never returned home, dying in a stolen car driven by a man twice his age. He was killed instantly.

I visited Shaun’s parents after his death to share my condolences and reminisce about better times. I found a family broken and questioning why. In my reflection I considered…. what could we have done to prevent permanent exclusion from secondary school or to teach him how to make better choices.

Shaun’s death was a huge waste of a life that had so much promise as a bright 3 year old taking himself to nursery, or a confident and funny 11 year old getting himself out of trouble with a smile.